The Perfect Man, The Perfect Life

Is the vision we create real?

So it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, and it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date and even longer since I’ve had sex! And why? Well I came to realise that I needed to take a step back and figure out what is is that I wanted. I wanted to focus on my faith, myself and my career.

As we grow up we are fed these stories and images that lead is to idolise marriage and a relationship, so it comes to no surprise that the one thing I’ve always know is that I wanted is to get married. I’ve always wanted to be a wife and to have a family, to feel needed & loved, but also protected and cared for. To me marriage is the pinnacle point of your love story, it’s knowing that your partner has undying love for you, that you never want to be with out them. Marriage says to me “I love you and I want to prove my love to you by giving me self to you.” To me it isn’t just a piece of paper (but i’ll go into this another day.)

Although I have other goals in my life finding that someone special that I can share my life and love with has always been at the top. There’s certain things in my life that has led to this, led me to knowing what it is that I am after but now that I am dating again, I wonder are my standards to high?

When you take the time to be on your own, you tend to daydream; you dream about the type of person you want to meet, the type of dates you want to go on, what it will be like when you first sleep together but what about if, or when matter of fact, none of it goes accordingly?

I know what I want because of what I have had, because of what I see other people have and the way I have felt when I have had a sample. I crave a man that makes me feel protected, that no harm can come to me, to know that some has always got my back. There been a time in my life where as I sat in the arms of the man I was dating I felt so safe and wanted, in that moment, feeling that feeling, I knew it was one I didn’t ever want to go without (when I meet the one.)

Dating has taught me that I want a man that knows what he’s doing, he has his head screwed on and is going somewhere in life. I’ve always wanted a man that was tall (that the feeling of protection) as well as him being Caribbean and with a big family. I imagined that I’d end up with a Caribbean man because that is half of my heritage, but it’s the side of me that I don’t explore all that deeply as I’m not heavily involved in that side of my family. Dating a Caribbean man was important because when ever I find myself around Caribbean culture I feel as if a hole in my life has been filled. As for the big family, I’m an only child, that barely sees their aunt and uncle an cousins. I never had a sibling to play with or hundreds of cousins at family gatherings and that was something I’d hope my children got to experience, I see the bond that so many have and hope my children have that.

But what happens when I meet someone who’s not ticking all the boxes, will I reject him… no, but now that I have created the image of a perfect man will I be fulfilled in life when some of the small things are missing?

Being single I began to picture a man that would make the effort to pick me up for dates, surprise me with flowers or a spur of the moment motive, the time line is filled with people pushing the boat out for their partners so is it any wonder the idea is in my mind when I know that it’s something that exists in reality and not just movies.

One of my other issues… Im the silly twat that believes in horoscopes, and the day that I met the guy I was crushing on my horoscope told me I would meet the person of my dreams, so of course I go home wondering maybe it is him, maybe God is answering my prayers. A few days later as we begin to learn more about each other something else comes up in my horoscope this time telling me I need to be willing to compromise to have all that I want, lightbulb in my head flashes as things piece together.

It’s such early days and I’ve enjoyed every minute I’ve got to spend with him but I can’t help but wonder, am I subconsciously forcing something to happen? I’ve prayed to find someone and now I have, someone I really like and I think likes me too. I said wanted to focus on my faith and I feel since I’ve been doing that more and more good things have been happening in my life, so maybe this is another one of those. It’s way to early to talk about our future together but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about what we see in our futures… what if he is the perfect man and we could have the perfect life but what if i’ve created an unrealistic image that can’t be lived up to?


The One

Is he real?

Why is everyone so obsessed with finding “The One.” From a young age we are fed the idea that we need a man by our side with all these fairytales and t.v programs that we grew up with. As a child I watched and read stories such as Cinderella, Beauty and The Beast, The little Mermaid and these Princess/Fairytale stories are all about “The One” finding their prince. It’s almost like as a child we are being sold a subliminal message that we can’t stand on our own two feet and that we need a man by our side. These princesses do so much just to impress the guy and get their happily ever after.

We get up early to fix our hair and take extra time to do our makeup if we are meeting the guy we like. If we’re meeting a guy you always put extra effort in to look good. Everyone is so obsessed with finding the one. Were searching for that person that will treat you as if you’re a princess just like in the stories we read, someone who spoils you, wipes your tears when your sad and laughs with you when you’re happy.

My question though is does Prince Charming really exist? People marry and remarry, others go from relationship to relationship trying to find the one they want to spend the rest of their life with, thinking that they’ve found the one, only to be met with disappointment when it all ends. And what about those that are widowed but then find new love later down the line. Surely there can’t only be one soul person in the world that is a perfect match for us is there?

When you’re young you seem to have the idea that you’ll move out get the perfect job and house, find the perfect man and have children all by the time you’re 30. But how often is that the case? The average age that people marry at in England is 32. Even if you get married at 40, you get to live your life the way you want to, enjoy it build a career before. And a lot of children nowadays are born out of wedlock so just because you’re not married doesn’t mean you cant have a child. We should be able to live the life we want to and not have to worry about settling down. Don’t get me wrong, just because you marry young or are in a serious relationship at a younger age doesn’t mean that you don’t get to live the life you want to though. It just may mean more restrictions, more compromising.

Quite often we have the perfect guy/girl dreamed up in our heads. I know my perfect man would be tall; around 6ft (only as I’m a tall girl that likes to wear heels) , tanned, big built (tubby or muscly, I’m not fussy), beard and a good dress sense. Oh and smells amazing. Smelling amazing always helps. But what is the likeliness that I’m going to meet this dream man. Lots of people also have added things like, can’t be a smoker, must like to hike, must have a nice car, must enjoy doing this or this or this. In reality you need to be able to compromise. Say you have found your dream man but he doesn’t have a car and that’s a “requirement” for you, are you really that shallow that you’re not going to give it ago. Give them a chance, maybe they really are The One.

In my opinion as long as we know what we want thats enough, but we need to stop searching, stop being too picky and let fate take its toll. If it’s meant to be it will be.

I think The One is out there somewhere it just may not be the person you think it should be. Take a chance, they could be The One.

The Magic Spark

I just want my foot to pop like Princess Mia’s

I know it sounds ridiculous but I really do want that foot popping kiss like Mia’s. Have you ever found that you’ve dated someone but that spark is just missing? I know I have.

I went on a few dates with a wonderful guy, he ticked all the boxes, tall, charming, good looking, we’ve been friends for years but I’ve had a crush on him since we met and I just know deep down he would be the most amazing boyfriend to be with, he’s so sweet and kind and caring and loveable, but that spark between us is missing.

Our first date we went out for dinner. I met him in town and we walked to the restaurant   where he had already booked a table for us. He gives his name on the door and we are escorted, (Message to the men reading, there is nothing sexier than a man that can actually take the initiative and plan something and take the lead.) We walk in he walks behind me but then when we get to the table he helps me with my coat and then pulls out my chair for me and pushes it in as I sit down… bishhh whaaaaaaaaaaaat??? It thought this was just in the movies… okay, okay you have my attention. I take a look through the menu and we order some starters and then I order my pizza…

Except I thought I ordered the same banging pizza I had last time I was here when in fact turns out I ordered some skinny healthy pizza that had a whole in the middle of it that was being covered by salad. I was so vexed, but now I have to hide the fact I’m so annoyed at myself for basically ordering half a pizza and now I feel like I’m trying to look like that girl that doesn’t really eat much and wants to look all charming etc when in fact I will eat a full rack of BBQ ribs on a first date with no care in the world.

Are date was cute, talking about work, and our studies the things we have planned, and when it comes for the bill he pays the whole thing and won’t let me chip in… A hero! Instead of us parting ways at the doors of the restaurant he walks me back to my car, I thank him for a wonderful time and he kisses me on the cheek goodbye. His lips press against my cheek and I feel a flutters inside my stomach, I look down at my feet like a shy school girl. I almost MELTED, a kiss on the cheek? He didn’t try to kiss me on the lips, he didn’t try to make a move and get me to come back to his place he was a true gentleman and I loved it. But something wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it, something was missing. That spark. It’s a real thing, you don’t know what it is but when it’s there it’s just there.

I had such a lovely time I still wanted to see him again, I thought maybe he was shy and needs to come of his shell. The next time I saw him I was round his house we were just watching movies and relaxing cuddling, ooooh the cuddling, it felt so nice to be held in his arm, pulled close to him again, I felt cared for, loved and wanted, we’d been friends for so long but we just took the time to get to know each other on a more intimate level and I liked that, but still something wasn’t right. That magical spark just wasn’t there

What is that spark? How long do you wait before you stop seeing someone because it’s not there, why is it missing? He is so warm hearted and a gentleman and cute, maybe that’s the issue, he’s too cute… Not too sweet, too cute, I find him more adorable than sexy and that’s not what you want, you want that steamy I want to rip your clothes off man where as him I just want him to wrap his arms around me and give me a big cuddle, and when he does do so I melt like butter. It’s disheartening because I know he would treat me so well, I mean we’ve already seen that.

Not dating anymore is the right thing to do, isn’t it? If I kept on seeing him it would be unfair to him, because in my true heart of hearts I know that something’s not right. He deserves to be with someone that can give him more than I can. Love him in a way that I know I wouldn’t.

That spark is a real thing, and when it’s there the world around you stop when you’re kissed, fire works explode, you can sit there in silence looking at them in admiration. You don’t get it with everyone and that’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with you or with them you’re just not the one for one and other.


The bar’s just getting lower and lower. 

Everyday twitter seems to find a new way to be #RelationshipGoals, and everyday the bar is getting dropped lower and lower.

Someone will post a photo of a bunch of flowers given by their boyfriend and it’s #Goals, someone tweeted “see when boys call ye ‘darlin’ or ‘babe’ Marry Me” why does that simple terminology equate to being marriage material?

Girls seem to be satisfied by the simplest of things nowadays and it’s sad, you’ll see a tweet and be saying #Goals because he got the girl he has a crush on a birthday present or because he opened the car door for her and picked her up for a date, but the sad thing is that we are impressed by these simple thing because men have stopped doing them.

When did men start back tracking? We are impressed if he makes the first move or pays for the whole date or initiates things because chivalry really is dying at the moment. It skipped a generation, Our grandparents have been married since they were 22 to a man that saw her, swooped, pampered her and has spent his time worshipping his woman, giving her the world but our parents are divorced, married for the 2/3 time children with multiple partners or we have been raised in a single parent home with no real male idol, we see what our mothers didn’t have and thirst for it because the attentiveness in a relationship has disappeared.

We look up to relationships that we see on social media because men have stopped doing the simplest of things that shows women that they actually care and listen. All we want is for a man to listen to what it is we are saying take it on board.

I want the guy that buys me a bunch of blue flowers with Blue orchids in it because he saw a the picture on instagram that I posted captioned “Blue orchids are my favourite” or books a table at Shakazulu for our date because I once mentioned to him that I love the crocodile cigars that they do there.

Opening the car door, picking and booking the restaurant, pulling out my chair and paying the full bill shows me that you can take the initiative, that you want to take care of me and look after me. Taking my jacket from my shoulders and pulling out my chair may be something so so simple and something that gets overlooked but to me it’s polite and considerate. If you pull out my chair it tells me that you want me to be comfortable before yourself, it tells me that you’re able to put other peoples needs before yourself and that a characteristic I look for in a man, I want to be with the guy that will be there for me when I’m having a bad day and will come over to comfort me, because I know in myself that I will forever support the man that I am with in anyway that I can, whether it’s hugging him when he is feeling low or cooking dinner ready for when he gets home or getting in snacks and drinks because the boys are coming over to watch the match.

Not only this but I need a man that can put others before him because I don’t want to end up with the man that cares more about what he wants than what his children need and I want to see that shine through your personality from the moment we first met.

So if you’re one of the men out there that think that our standards are low and we are putting simple behaviour and gestures on a pedestal ask yourself why.

We look up to the relationship where the guy surprises his girl at 2am with Nuggets because she has cramps because it shows he cares and wants her to be comfortable. Men have stopped acting like they care, they seem to want sex and no feelings but we want to be loved, we want to be cared for. We have stopped being made to feel special we have stopped being made to feel loved and cared for so now when we see these things it’s a shock to the system, we’re no longer used to it and it is no longer that standard so it gets idolised.

A phone call from the person you like when your sad shouldn’t be #Goals it should be #Standard

New Year New L’s

The clock was yet to chime, the fireworks yet to explode yet some how I managed to take my first L of 2018.

Sat at the train station in central, waiting for a friend to arrive I get a text saying he was running late, en route with a group of friends they had to return home to fetch someones I.D. So there I am sat in Waterloo station wondering which train they will actually get on. I was waiting 20 minutes or so before I got the message saying they had to return for the forgotten I.D, do you know how cold it gets at Waterloo? Not only am I annoyed because Im cold but I’m annoyed because he hadn’t text half an hour ago to say he was running late, if we were supposed to meet at half past why at ten to are you not already?

Looking on the board I try to figure out which train they’ll be getting on I then move somewhere thats less windy and cold to continue waiting thinking that they’ll be by in an hour or so.

20 minutes soon becomes 40 which becomes and hour and then after waiting over an hour. Sat cold and alone I wonder whether I should just get on the train back home but I paid £20 for a travel card, if you think I’m waisting that you’re crazy.

As I begin to wonder what to do if I should call a friend make other plans or go home I get a text from him saying they’re on the train the train and one from my housemate saying that he’ll make his way down if he takes too long, too long? I’ve been waiting an hour and a half by this point. Part of me is tempted to tell my friend don’t worry and my my housemate to come but it would take my housemate just as long to get into waterloo so I may swell keep to my plans.  Another 30 minutes pass and they finally make it, when I meet him my hands are frozen solid I can barley even open them to place my hands on his back as I hug him.

He apologies for the delay and despite being mad as shit I respond “Awh don’t worry about it.” in a traditional British manner.  He’s here now so lets go and have fun right?


Stupidly I didn’t think to check that he actually had a ticket to see the fireworks, I just assumed that he had a spare which is why he invited me so we make our way to go to Southbank and he’s stood lost, confused wondering what’s going on, now no ticket, hands still cold AF we try and figure out a new plan, the first step of his being to get food. He asks if I’m hungry and suggests he gets us something to eat, or so I thought…

Now here is where you need to tell me if I am in the wrong.

I know we met up as friends, I don’t know what it was but when he asked if I wanted something to eat I assumed that he was going to buy something for me. I didn’t assume this because he’s the man and has invited me out because it wasn’t a date, no the reason I assumed was more of a way of apology for the fact that I had been sat on my own, shivering for two hours in a train station waiting for him. I could have gone out with friends, but no I hadn’t seen him in over 10 years and we recently reconnected so I thought it would be nice to have a catch up. Am I wrong for thinking it was just polite to offer, I know if I had done that to a friend of mine I would have offered to buy them a drink to warm them up at the very least, as well as be apologising profusely, so now here we are at this chip van and he says,

“After you, you order first.” so now I’m there thinking “fuck.” I can’t turn around and say “ooooh you know what actually I’ve changed my mind” because I then look rude and full of myself for making the assumption. He’s now at the other till and I’m looking at the board wondering what I can get with my Tenner… Chips and a Water… That’s what you can get with change for a drink later on in the night. I paid about £7 for a portion of chips and a bottle of water. SEVEN POUNDS. I paid £2 for a bottle of water!!! To make things worse, there was a Sainsburys down the road where I could have bought a bottle of water for 70p + used my staff discount, so now, I’m made at him because I’ve had to wait so long, and I’m mad at me for spending that much money on chips and water. I genuinely would have rather dunked my head into the Thames.

Next thing you know, its 11.59, were stood at Trafalgar square, the countdown comes on and just to fuck up my night even more the count down happens and that’s it, it goes back to Ad’s and they don’t bother to show the fireworks on the big screens, I find myself trying to keep up with the boys as they run down the road to try and get a glimpse of the fireworks. I’m wearing heels. I can’t run in heels, but no it’s fine, you go ahead with out me don’t bother waiting. I stood astonished that he’s left me ten paces behind, his figure getting smaller and smaller as he wonders off into the distance, I’m walking… well waddling and pretty sure I can feel blood trickle down the side of my foot because my heels are cutting into me, despite the pain I make it down to a spot where we can see the fireworks, and they are 10x better than what you see on the tele but they soon go along with my excitement and I decided to go home rather than join them in the pub because well you can’t exactly get much to drink with £3.

Don’t get me wrong, despite all of this, it was an enjoyable night… well 50% 50% anyway.


So that was my new years now bring on Valentines.

Boys Can’t Cry

They can’t cry or they won’t?

You broke up and now you’re crying into your bowl of Ben and Jerry’s whilst your best friend tells you that “you don’t need that waste of space” because you’ve seen pictures and video where he’s out at the club whining and grinding with other girls, but here’s the thing, boys cry too, boys hurt too! They are just better at hiding their emotions. Quite often we (girls) wear our heart on our sleeve. I know me especially and I’m a person that shares too much, (probably why I have this blog) when I’m going through something I used to have to get advice from everyone and talk to all my girl and guy friends about it to get through that stage, guys don’t tend to be like this they lock it away, pretend that everything is fine and that they are okay and in my experience, after a breakup we go through the same stages just in different order.

For girls, we cry and wallow in self pity and wonder where we went wrong. We’ll cry thinking that something is wrong with us, then some time passes and something triggers our brain to go through our “independent woman” phase and we go off telling the world that we don’t need a man, that we are fine on our own and thats when the girls night out happens, then three/four weeks later we process all that’s happened properly and can begin to move on break up where as guys go through the freedom stage first and then it hits them, soon after they realise what they have lost and that they are own there own.

There is so much stigma around boys/men showing their emotion, that guys need to be manly and macho 24/7, that crying and showing their emotion makes them weak, but it doesn’t it just makes you human. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to say that you’re not okay and that you’re not coping. Say it to your friends, get it off your chest because it helps. It helps you to understand, it will help you understand your emotions and what you’re going through when you talk about it, to understand where you went wrong the things that you are upset about and better yet how you can move forward. If you don’t understand why you’re feeling a certain way and talk about it you can never move forward with your life because you will always have those old feelings following you around.

Stop putting on a front and acting like you’re fine and that you don’t care when it’s killing you deep down inside, stop pretending that you’re coping when you’re not, it’s just damaging to yourself and the relationship you may be in. Most relationships end and there is no going back but by hiding you’re true feelings and acting like your over everything and you don’t need that person by your side you’re really putting a nail in the coffin and ending that chance. Being open and honest is the best way and it lets your partner see the softer side to you, it tells them that you have a heart and emotions and not just a plank of wood. The more we get guys to talk about their emotions and feelings the easier it will be to have relationships and mend broken ones because we will really know what is hurting them, we will know what’s on their mind how they feel and how we can help.

It’s okay to cry… no matter who you are.


Take the hint, Move On, NEXT!!!

Why don’t we read the signs?

Sometimes they’re not even signs but we can have it in stone cold writing.

I’ve met this guy, more than once, the…

“I’m not looking for a relationship right now” guy ( or girl )

Quite often it’s not actually you that they don’t wan’t but a relationship instead. Whether the signs read this way or at some point they’ve actually come out and said that they are not looking to get serious, you know that the cards aren’t on the table so why are you still pursuing them?!

… Because of the “Right Now” part.

There has been a few too many times where I have met a guy and we clicked so well I try and keep them around, one person in particular springs to mind. He was so tall he towered above those around him, gorgeous eyes, the sexiest husky voice and his hair… oooh his hair was peng. He mad me feel so comfortable, we were into the same things, we could speak about anything, constantly making me laugh and feel free, it felt like he was a male version of me. I felt myself again when I got to talk with him, he told me he wasn’t looking for something serious at the start but I ignored that, thinking to myself, if we keep talking maybe he will see the potential, maybe it will go somewhere. We fit like a glove to one and other so why could this not go somewhere I continued to think as we got closer?

Because he in that place, that’s why. To have a successful relationship you both need to be at the same stage and if the person you’ve met or are talking to is not looking for a relationship Right Now, chances are they have their own issues to deal with, they could be fresh out of a relationship, they may still be hung up on an ex, or maybe they need time to be single and learn about who they are as a person, what ever that reason you shouldn’t be hanging around waiting for them. Yes they could be the one (and yes I belive in that nonsense), but don’t kid your self nor make a fool out of yourself waiting for them to come running to you because that probably won’t happen. Instead appreciate what you have with that person, grow as friends to one and other maybe that is why they were brought into your life, maybe there is a greater lesson for you to learn by having them around. You shouldn’t force something to happen, if it is meant to be it will be, if you have to force it that’s when things break, they get damage, and in this situation it’s you that’s going to break, you’ll end up hurt and resenting them when in fact it’s your own fault because they told you what they were after and you ignored it and now you’re hurt.

Trust me on this one because I’m speaking from experience. When I see something in someone, despite them telling me they don’t want anything serious, I tend to wait in hope that they change their mind because I see the potential in them and it’s not fair to do that to yourself (not to them), you need to live your best life, and you can’t do that if you’re hanging around in the shadows in case something might happen.


If I have learnt anything at all this year is to stop trying to make things happen, know what you want and let it fall into place. You can’t force something to go the way you want it to, if it’s meant to be, it will be, I am a firm believer in that.

They say if you love something let it go, and if it loves you it will come back, well if you like them but you’re in two different stages Let Them Go. If it’s right then they will come back to you because, but what you need to remember is that they have their own reason for not wanting to be in a relationship.That is something that you need to respect and understand. You need to let them address their issue and fix the problem that they have with in themselves, it may not even be a real “issue” it can just be to do with wanting to have time to be by themself and learn who they are as a person. Sometimes you just need time to be single

Take that time to be happy just being you.