He Snaps while he drives 

If you don’t care about you then you sure don’t care about me. 

Maybe this is pushing the boat out a little bit and I’m nitpicking but this is something that really concerned me about Red Flags. He would snap and when he drove, and he drove like a maniac. Swerving in and out between cars as we drove down the streets of London, doing 40mph over speed bumps down back roads. I’m not a bad passenger but had to call him out on it for two reason, one it scared me for my safety and two it concerned me for how much he cares about me. Let me explain to you why.

He drove recklessly; he took too many risks for my liking, and it showed me he didn’t care about the other people on the road and more upsettingly he didn’t care about me. He was willing to put my safety at risk to arrive at our destination 3 minutes early.

Is it really necessary for you to post 16 snapchats with location filters of you getting from A to B and recording down a single track road? Do you not see the stupidity of that, you’re really willing to put yourself at risk for a 2 or 3 10 second snapchat video of some bushes either side of your car. That’s stupid.

I am a fan of social media and sharing with people an insight into my life with the people I know but if you’re selfish enough to put social media above my safety and comfort then that’s where there is a problem. Not only did it put you and I at risk but you don’t take into account the way that your actions can effect those that are around you. You may not know these people but you’re reckless behaviour is putting them at risk and you’re too self involved to see that.

That was where the issue laid.  It was deeper that an attachment to social media, it was the self involvement, selfishness. I need someone is able to take into account how they’re actions will effect others. When you start dating someone it’s two people coming together as one. Yes you still want to have you’re own separate lives and be you’re own person but you do things as a pair. What happens if you do crash and something happens to me and I am injured, but not only this what if something happens to you. We are becoming one. My feelings for you are growing stronger and stronger by the day, I don’t want to loose what we have because you didn’t think about the consequences of your actions. What about your family and the effect that loosing you would have on them?

I was at a point where I would take into account his plans and his life and how the two would co-inside but it made me wonder if he would be willing to do the same for me or did he think our relationship would consist of him saying “jump” and my response to be “How high?”

I knew he cared about me deeply but this was an issue for me. I want to feel safe when with the man I am dating and that he would not let harm come to me. When he held me I felt this exact way I felt protected, cared for but as soon as we got into that car that vanished and the man that made me feel secure soon made me feel at risk. My life was in his hands and for the distance of that car journey I felt like he forgot about me, my life was no longer important to him.

 

xox

Kloë

Advertisements

Pree-Seeing

I think I made it up… but it’s still a load of BS anyway

 

So there is a stage of dating that I think I have made up and I call it pree-seeing. This is the bit when you first meet and you are just texting on and other and I hate it. I don’t want to just be texting someone, I actually want to be with you face to face, go for lunch, catch a movie, even just chilling at one of our houses… but no netflix and chilling, too old for that nonsense.

It’s the 21st century and our lives are dominated by a screen, whether it’s a laptop, computer or a phone we live our lives glued to them all. Isn’t it time that we went back 15 years and dated the old fashion way. If you’re trying to get to know someone, pick up the phone and actually speak to them. Texting is great for sure and it allows you to keep a conversation going throughout the day but a phone call from the guy you’re talking to is so much more fulfilling. If you want to take full advantage of all this technology that’s taking over our lives FACETIME THEM! (In my experience) Girls love it when you make the effort, so even if it’s just a five min phone call of you saying “Hey, just wanted to see how you’re doing before I go to work” that shit will put us in the best mood for the rest of the day. Putting in the effort is how you get the girl (or guy) but you can’t forget to keep up the effort and that goes on both ends.

When I met someone back in London and returned home to uni those calls where the best thing, we’d be sat on FaceTime for three hours somedays just non stop talking. I’d be sat on my laptop editing and he’d be there keeping me company, it may have been through a screen but it kept what we had alive. And those calls gave me hope that despite the distance if we wanted to give it a real go it could work still. When I would come home and see him it was like I had never left. This pree-seeing stage got us to the dating stage, we chatted for a few months before we first actually met up, it was casual and perfect. There was an initial mutual attraction and we got to explore this attraction, see what it was we liked about one and other and we clicked, we gelled so well. Though he was a busy guy ( and still always is ) this stage had no pressure to keep in contact, like when you are officially dating someone, so sometimes we would speak for 3 days nonstop and then we wouldn’t speak for a week but we would always be drawn back together and it worked for us.

For me distance is a massive issue. I’m at uni 250 miles away from my home so dating is literally impossible because 90% of the guys I date are in London and the other 10% are locals. Although I date guys where I’m living at the moment it makes things complicated. I’m not from around here, so let’s say I do meet some that lives in this area and has always lived here… That’s fine, but what happens when I graduate because I am moving straight back to a place I can afford near London, are you willing to move? When I’m at home this isn’t an issue because I’m half an hour from the city but when I’m here… in Cornwall.

*Eye’s Roll*

Oh laws. Guys don’t even want to get a train from East (London) to West (London) so a train from London to Cornwall, not happening. This is when texting becomes important before you start seeing someone ( well for me anyway ) because if I meet the right person and we are spending all our spare time messaging each other getting to know one and other the feelings can begin to grow. Now most of us have seen catfish, so we are aware that it’s completely possible to catch feelings for someone for this form of communication. So if you can create this bond then it’s more likely to move onto something deeper, too actually turn into seeing that person.

A question I want to know this answer to however is… How many people can you be talking to at once? I’m the girl that will only ever date one guy at a time, but texting, there’s often more than 1/2 people that I will be talking to, because it will end up fizzling out with the one’s where the connection isn’t as strong and the conversation is dead, it’s just physical attraction. Is it wrong to talk to more than one person? I don’t think so. Why should I be tied down to one person when the relationship we have isn’t even face to face, and quite often you haven’t even met the person. Relationships start from all forms of social media now, in the Dm’s, from tinder, heck I think bbm is still going.

If I could I would erase this stage completely, I like going on dates meeting a person face to face and then to be texting and calling one and other, you get to have the chemistry in person and chemistry is key, what happens when you’ve been texting someone for two months meet them and they’re as dry as the cinnamon challenge?

So to anyone who’s eye I may have caught… Lets go for a drink, or have lunch, and if that goes well… Call me.

xox

Kloe

The Boy Pulled Through

My Life Was Like The Movies 

Turns out those dates from the movies actually exist. You know the ones where he asks you out, picks you up and pays for the meal and it’s all unicorn and rainbows.

Well that’s what I had with Red Flags. ( You remember that guy I told you about that had so many red flags but I ignored, yeah him.) I think that was one of the reasons that I stayed with him for so long because he gave me things that I dreamed of.

I am quite a traditionalist, I believe in the man picking you up and paying for the first date, that’s not to say that is how all my dates go, especially in this day and age getting into a car with someone you barely know… lil risky, but I have old morals. This isn’t to say that I wont offer to pay for some of our meal because I will. If we are going on a date I will always have enough to cover our meals. Especially if it was I who suggested the date, but if you’re asking me out for dinner and then I’m the whole paying the bill… BOY BYE.

My first date with Red flags he met me at the station and even had a box of chocolates for me. We walked to where we were having our meal which I had no idea of, it was a surprise to me…

before I carry on one tip, not even a tip a must.

Make sure at least one of your friends knows where you are or where you are going. I have my best girl friends on Find My Friends and told them that I had a first date and the area I would be in and to check in on me later in the night. Make sure you stay when you’re dating! You don’t know who you’re meeting these days. 

We ordered our food and it felt like we spoke for hours, spoke about our jobs, touched upon our family, what it was that we wanted to doing in life, kids and it was perfect. There was no awkwardness, it just felt right, he walked me back to the train station but as we were saying goodbye all I could think was that I didn’t want the date to end. We just carried on talking for another 10 minutes until he said that he didn’t want me to go just yet. We headed down to the pub. He bought me a drink (Disso and Cranberry) joined me back and the table and we just continued to talk for the world, I can’t remember how it happened but it did and I deleted my tinder in front of him for him. We spoke about how we felt a connection and that this could be the start of something and that there was no need for it anymore, we wanted to see where what ever “this” was went. I have never felt so comfortable with a guy, we left the pub two drinks later and he called me a taxi. Although I said it was fine I was just going to jump on the tube home he insisted I let him pay for my taxi ride home, it was 12 at night and we were out in Kennington and he wanted to make sure that I got home safely. He put me in the taxi gave me £20 to pay the driver and off I went back to West London.

Our other dates, were just as perfect. He took me to Lewisham and told me not to judge the place by the way it looked because the food was amazing, and boy was he right. The “resturant” was falling apart but that chicken was gooooooood, he would glance at me he’d smile. The smiles never stopped, when we were in the car when we were walking down the street he’d always be looking at me in awe, he’d smile because I smiled and that made me even happier. The next night we went to the cinema and to an arcade as we waited for the film, and it was just as perfect, he paid for the cinema tickets and wouldn’t let me get snacks for us and then we headed over to the arcade as we had a bit of a wait for the cinema, we played air hockey and he showed off his strength with one of those machines you hit and then the thingy rings the bell at the top… you know the ones I mean I know you do. Day after he met me at Ruislip and we went our for dinner in a Caribbean restaurant and had a cocktail, and then we went for a drive and a walk. This was our fairytale date. It started with dinner and then he took me to this park, he pulled up and then told me to switch seats, I was there like “eh?” then he responded “You said you like to drive, take it for a test spin.” I was gassed, it wasn’t a race car but his sports Renault is better than my 206 so I took it for a little drive down the road and then parked it up and we went for a walk we walk. We walked towards the bridge and stood on it looking out at the lake, who knew that London had buff lakes… Madness. It was there, as he stood behind me arms wrapped around my waist he asked me to be his girlfriend and like a fool I said yes.

I think this is why I have high standards now. I’ve seen what’s out there and I’ve experienced it myself it’s not just something from the movies these men exists. A man that can be the provider, and spoil you, he treated me like a queen and this to me is what a boyfriend should be. Someone who cares for you, looks after you, is there for you. Don’t get me wrong I’m a big girl and can look after myself but we are like socks… We are made to be in pairs and right now I’m an odd sock.

xox

Kloe

Double Tap That

Stop tapping like if you’re not tapping me.

This is something that has been bugging me for a while and it’s liking other peoples pictures when you’re in a relationship. I’ve seen friends get into massive fights because they’re other half is tapping like on I.G and I really don’t care for that in a relationship, its unnecessary drama. Normally I don’t see an issue with one person liking another pictures on social media if they’re in a relationship and for this following reason. Although s/he maybe hitting like on I.G it’s still you that they’re hitting* when they get home. *Inserts Cardi B gif*

Despite all this the thing is, I’m going to need you to stop liking my pictures, popping up here and there, in my texts, on the TL because well, I know I can’t have you… but please don’t go. I kinda like the idea that one day I could still have you.

And that’s what you liking my pictures says to me, it tells me that you’re still interested, you like what you see.

I’ve never thought of there being an issue until this one guy that I used to talk to started liking recent posts of mine. From time to time there is a bit of banter exchanged over the TL and a text/dm may occur between us and it’s all harmless, is it not?

Here is the issue, I liked you, you liked me, some may say we had a thing or we were about to have a thing but that didn’t happen. I moved away and you met someone else. Later down the line you’re happy ( well to my knowledge anyway ) with your new girlfriend and here I am sat beginning to see you like my pictures and I just find it slightly disrespectful towards your new woman. There was something between us, and though it never blossomed into something real what ever it was that we did have was there, it was more than just flirting, you can’t deny it.

If my boyfriend was liking pictures of some I.G girl or of someone famous that doesn’t bother me, but if I knew he was liking pictures of some that he once liked and who still likes him that’s when I would have an issue because that is when you mind begins to wonder, wonder if you’re good enough, if they still like this person, if something is going to happen between to them or not because what if he still wonders about what they could have had. You could have the most amazing relationship but sometimes there is always a little voice in your head that wonders about things that could have been. Even if the trust is there and strong between the two of you certain things can cause you to over analyse putting strain into your relationship.

Liking pictures of the sex that you are attracted to shouldn’t be an issue in a relationship because like I say, no matter how many people they find attractive and like on Instagram it’s still you that they want to be with, it’s you that they share their problems with, you they come home to at the end of the day, it’s you that they chose, so you shouldn’t need to fret. We tend to make a mountain out of a molehill but what do you think? Is it disrespectful to be liking photos of a person you once liked, especially if they still like you. Or is it just a notification on a screen, and a harmless one at that.

Kisses

Kloë

 

 

 

*hitting = engaging in sexual intercourse. I do not condone violence/abuse in relationships.

Red Means Go

Red flags… I’m like a moth to a flame.

Girls, we really need to start listening to our instinct, we’ll be getting red flags left right and centre but still decided to give the guy a chance, still pursue a relationship now I am the QUEEN when it comes to this. I really am a complete idiot sometimes. But I’ve come to terms with this a learnt from my mistake. Mistakes, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. But that’s good, that’s how you grow.

Now this part of my life starts last summer, I was living with a friend in West London and you KNOW I was hitting up tinder with that swipe swipe on a daily. One evening there is comes that match notification, and I thought that I had hit the jackpot. He was talk, dark, muscly and handsome. Now red flag number one that I have only just clocked as I write is he didn’t have his age on his tinder. And it wasn’t until halfway through our date that he told me.

(Our date was really cute by the way, but we will talk about that another time.)

Any way, how old was he you want to know? 30… And our second date was on his 31st birthday so he was 12 years older than me. Now an age gap that big can work, and I’m quite mature for my age and men, well they’re very often immature for theirs, but I think that the age gap did begin to prove some issues. These issues were with him trusting me and I felt like he thought he could mould me into someone.

The second massive Red flag that got waved around was when I told him I wanted to wait to sleep together. I think it was on our third date. He was dropping me home and I told him that maybe next time it will be my treat and he can come upstairs and I’ll cook us dinner to which he responded that he thought I would say “come upstairs and maybe more.” My response to this was that I wanted to wait, that I liked him and I didn’t want to rush into things, especially as it was our third date and each of these dates had been consecutive, one day after the other. That’s three dates in three days and I had already caught feelings, he made me feel like a princess, he made me smile he made me laugh, and he made me comfortable it was like we had known each other for years we just worked it seemed to good to be true, I honestly thought that this man could have been “The One.” They say when you know you know, and at this point I just knew he made me happier than ever before. Until I told him that I wanted to wait that was.

I got a text from him saying after we had that conversation he felt different and that maybe we would just be better off as friends, that something changed when I told him that. I was devastated. The first time I had opened up to someone and let them in, the first time I had wanted to wait with someone because I didn’t want to end up broken hearted yet somehow that still happened. But he was soon to apologise and realise his mistake and he took the following day off work to make it up to me.

The next red flag I got when we were out shopping. It was small but really annoyed me, he wouldn’t tell me where to walk instead he would put his and on my lower back and push me in the direction that he wanted me to go in. I know it’s minor but it really annoyed me. Hold my hand, show me where to go don’t shove me. It felt like a control thing, that that was his way of controlling me and I didn’t appreciate it.

After he asked me to be his girlfriend it somehow came out that I smoke and we got into a big fight over it him saying I lied to him when he first asked… I didn’t lie I simply avoided the question, he asked me and I turned it into a joke and unknowing to him I hadn’t answered the question and the topic had now change. So now 8 hours into our relationship we broke up because of it and I’m on the phone to the girls with a glass on wine in my hand talking about what a near miss that was but somehow, and I can’t even remember how we ended up back together the next day. The warnings were still creeping up and he asked me to be his girlfriend and when I said yes he then said, “No more smoking, drinking and no other guys.”

Hold up… What? Okay so I used to smoke, but I had never smoked around him and as for the drinking. I will drink as much wine as I want! Now the no other guys part this was the real issue. My best friend is a guy, he’s more like a big brother than a friend, I tell him everything, he’s always there for me am I just supposed to cut him out of my life for a guy i’ve know for less than a fortnight, what about my two male housemates, I have male friends as I’m sure he has female friends, I don’t expect him to cut the women in his life out for me and it’s completely unreasonable that he does me, and considering that he still has women on his social media that send him nude photographs I think I am being very open and very trusting. He had literally showed me his phone saying “look at this crap I get.” and there she was… in all her glory, her birthday suit. It’s fine for you to keep her on your social media but I cant have my best friend in my life anymore despite the fact I class him as family rather than a friend?

We’re allowed to have friends of the opposite sex but if your other half excepts you to cut from your life why is that? They don’t trust you, and trust is the foundation of a relationship. The trust in our relationship was probably ( looking back now ) lacking because of how we rushed into things, but in the time that we had known each other I hadn’t been out partying and hanging around other guys, no I had been at home cooking, cleaning, working and binge watching Desperate Housewives with my best friend I had given him no reason not to trust me.

Why did I go through with this relationship? He was literally stood there waving a red flag from the very start but nope, I still went ahead but because of that I now have three months worth of stories for you to come, you guys are so lucky.

When you get those flags don’t take it with a pinch of salt, take it and run… away, in the complete opposite direction, run far far away. Red flags are a warning sign and if you see one they are going to keep on appearing and it can’t end well.

 

“Bambi, My Dear, My dear I want you hear, don’t get to near for they’re lions beware”

 

Kloë

xxx

My Return

I’m Back and I’m probably not better

So… It’s been a while, but I’m back ready to spill the beans on everything that’s been going on. I took a while out from blogging because so much happened that well, I wrote a book. That book turned out to be the best stress reliever and coping mechanism for a damaging relationship I had. What makes it worse is its a relationship I “Had” with someone not “was in” with someone. It was draining emotionally and I needed a way to channel all my energy and pain. Writing that book helped me deal with what was going on between us and I learnt more about myself and the reason behind the way I am.

So whats happened recently, well I’ve had a few dates here and there, a relationship, an ex hit me up and some drama, but I mean there is always drama right?

The past year and a half has taught me a lot about myself. The things I want and I guess the things that I expect ( from a man. )

And I want to share a little bit about what I’ve learn

  1. Know what you want
  2. Listen to your instinct
  3. Don’t disregard “Red Flags”
  4. Define your relationship with each other
  5. Don’t do it because everyone else is

A relationship needs to be right for you, the right person and the right time. Don’t be trying to rush into something because you value the idea of a relationship more than the reality.

“I got the worst luck with love, or maybe I ain’t working enough… hurting enough”

All My Love

Kloe

Oh my names Kloe by the way, no more signing off TSG. ( which stands for ‘The Single Girl’ if you didn’t catch on)

 

The One

Is he real?

Why is everyone so obsessed with finding “The One.” From a young age we are fed  the idea that we need a man by our side with all these fairytales and t.v programs that we grew up with. As a child I watched and read stories such as Cinderella, Beauty and The Beast, The little Mermaid and these Princess/ Fairytale stories are all about “The One” finding their prince. Its almost like as a child we are being sold a subliminal message that we can’t stand on our own two feet and that we need a man by our side. These princesses do so much just to impress the guy and get their happily ever after.

We get up early to fix our hair and take extra time to do our makeup if we are meeting the guy we like. If we’re meeting a guy you always put extra effort in to look good. Everyone is so obsessed with finding the one. The guy that does treat you like a princess like in a fairytale, who spoils you, wipes your tears when your sad and laughs with you when you’re happy.

My question though is does Prince Charming really exist? People marry and remarry, others go from relationship to relationship trying to find the one they want to spend the rest of their life with, thinking that they’ve found the one, only to be met with disappointment when it all ends. And what about those that are widowed but then find new love later down the line. Surely there can’t only be one soul person in the world that is a perfect match for us is there?

When you’re young you seem to have the idea that you’ll move out get the perfect job and house, find the perfect man and have children all by the time you’re 30. But how often is that the case? The average age that people marry at in England is 32. Even if you get married at 40, you get to live your life the way you want to, enjoy it build a career before. And a lot of children nowadays are born out of wedlock so just because you’re not married doesn’t mean you cant have a child. We should be able to live the life we want to and not have to worry about settling down. Don’t get me wrong, just because you marry young or are in a serious relationship at a younger age doesn’t mean that you don’t get to live the life you want to though. It just may mean more restrictions, more compromising.

Quite often we have the perfect guy/girl dreamed up in our heads. I know my perfect man would be tall; around 6ft (only as I’m a tall girl that likes to wear heels) , tanned, big built (tubby or muscly, I’m not fussy), beard and a good dress sense. Oh and smells amazing. Smelling amazing always helps. But what is the likeliness that Im going to meet this dream man. Lots of people also have added things like, can’t be a smoker, must like to hike, must have a nice car, must enjoy doing this or this or this. In reality you need to be able to compromise. Say you have found your dream man but he doesn’t have a car and that’s a “requirement” for you, are you really that shallow that you’re not going to give it ago. Give them a chance, maybe they really are The One.

In my opinion as long as we know what we want thats enough, but we need to stop searching, stop being too picky and let fate take its toll. If it’s meant to be it will be.

I think The One is out there somewhere it just may not be the person you think it should be. Take a chance, they could be The One.

“I can hardly breath, somethings telling maybe me he could be The One”

TSG

XXX